his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
