Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
