just tell him i said nine months
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize