as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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