Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
