Apparently you make a good broom.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Enjoy the penises
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
