Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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