Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
