what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
