Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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