i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize