yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
