like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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