Please don't use social media to get back at me.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
