I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
