I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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