Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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