Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it's not cheating when I paid for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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