we're chasing vodka with high fives
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
