They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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