He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
