What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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