can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize