Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
