So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
only if we run a train.
done.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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