in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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