those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
