This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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