Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
