i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
