One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
