ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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