By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
