Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
