you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Oh god it's open bar.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
