Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
