i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
