I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
