yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
