definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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