i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
