It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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