Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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