how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
