All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
