I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I can't put those talents on a resume
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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