this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
