Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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