So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize