He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So apparently I’m into choking now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
