My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize