Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
