Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
this hospital has no fireball
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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