closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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