Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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