I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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