There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize