But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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