u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nutella sex= disaster
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
