C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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