i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
