I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
