I wanna bring you to show and tell
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
