I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
