My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
