Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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