I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
