Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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