Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
