I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
