I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
