I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
