TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
