We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sorry about my life...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
