my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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