I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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