No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
