He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
