i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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