Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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