Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
