I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
