i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
