I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
