you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
