ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
