Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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