Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
