I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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