is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We are all done wearing pants today
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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