i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
zippers are such a cool invention
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
