So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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