your room smells of hookers.
And success
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Randomize
