They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
