Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
