Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
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i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dick very happy bro
Do you have feelings for this penis?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
